The past 2 Weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. Elation & deep sadness have filled my heart. I've shed tears of joy and tears of grief and tears somewhere in between. 2 weeks ago our sweet little Violet was born (a blog soon to come!). My heart has somehow become bigger & made space for this beautiful, little person. I wondered how I could love my second child as I did the first. But now, when I hold both of my girls in my arms, I realize it could be no other way. It's amazing how much you can truly love, not just one person, but two; unconditionally & with every fiber of my being.
A couple days after we brought Violet home, I had a cry fest. I picked up Lilly from her bed and suddenly realized she is no longer my baby girl. She seemed like a giant in my arms when a mere 2 days prior, she still seemed itty bitty. Tears poured down my face and my not so itty bitty girl held onto me tight as we shared a moment. Perhaps she felt the same way? This wasn't a reaction I had ever expected. She'll always have a special place in my heart. A spot that's reserved just for her. I've been trying my hardest these past 2 Weeks to juggle time between nursing & snuggling Violet and playing/reading/singing/snuggling with Lilly. She's been great with her baby sis so far. I just don't want her to think she isn't as important to us anymore just because she is no longer getting 100% of our attention and energy. Because she is still my everything and I love her so, SO much!
A couple days ago I found out a dear friend of mine lost her unborn child, right before her due date. And she still had to deliver her. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I could do nothing but cry all day and night. I've been holding the girls extra tight. I can't imagine what she's going through right now & how she will be strong enough to make it through this tough time. But it saddens me to the bone. It hurts when I think about 2 short Weeks ago what it would have been like to go home without Violet. I'm grateful not to know what personal anguish she is going through. But my heart & thoughts have been with her constantly. My biggest fear is losing my children. Before I had kids, I did some stupid (but fun!) shit & lived freely without thinking too much of consequences. Now, it's no longer all about me and I would do anything to protect my babies. And i'm thankful that my babies are here for me to protect.