Dec 27, 2012

Be My Forever

7 years ago I nervously waited at the arrivals terminal in the Sevilla, Spain airport.  I had been talking to him on the phone and online for 5 months.  We were smitten. But real life can be a whole other realm from the virtual world. What if he was really a douche? What if he smelled funny? What if we just didn't get along once we were tangibly near one another? The anticipation was killing me, as I'd already done this the day prior, only for him to have missed his plane and get stuck overnight in Paris. Now I had an extra day to lament and overanalyze. Omg omg OMG please don't be a tool!

We embraced and the next week was a whirlwind of googly eyes, traveling, laughing, talking, and ... well, I'll spare the saucy details;) From that first day we knew we'd be together forever.

7 years have flown by. They haven't always been easy, but they've definitely been interesting, mostly fun and filled to the brim with new and exciting adventures. We've lived in Europe together, explored numerous countries in a short time, have gone through major career changes, both have blasted through different hairstyles and colors and body shapes, supported one another through school, changed vehicles, bought & sold houses (in our second one now), got a dog, had an amazing little girl and about to add to our growing family in a few short weeks with baby #2. We've laughed together, cried together, fought, talked, danced, ran, and loved. We've been through our fair share of ups and downs but couldn't have endured without one another.

Christmas morning, a day shy of our "official" anniversary, our little girl walked up to me holding a glass ring made by my artist and around the corner came Jeff and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes! We've been married in our hearts, souls and daily lives for years but now we are going to make it official & legal. I love you Jeffaronie! You were my missing puzzle piece for so many years. My lobster <3 p="p"> 

Dec 9, 2012

Don't swim against the current

When we first found out I was pregnant with baby #2, Jeff had a momentary freak out. Or perhaps better described as shock. He was still sweet but just a little speechless for a while that day. In a bit of disbelief. Like he didn't know how babies were made or something;) We weren't trying to get pregnant per se, but we weren't trying NOT to either. It's just that it happened sooner than we anticipated. Pretty much after Lilly was weaned off the boob at 13 months. Only, I didn't find out I was even pregnant until a couple of months into the pregnancy.
The next day, I had my own internalized freak out. How was I going to juggle entertaining & nurturing Lilly in toddler hood while simultaneously nursing, changing, and feeding an infant? Not to mention sleeping (omg when will I sleep!). My biggest fear though, was how was I going to give enough love & devotion to 2 kids? With Lilly, everything was all about her. We slept when she did, played with her any time, sang, laughed, and all around watched her every movement in amazement as she grew, learned and blossomed. But there I was, freaking out about not only not being able to offer the same to the baby, but also no longer being able to give Lilly our undivided attention & love. My heart pounded. My mind raced a million miles a minute. I cried.

Now, a mere month away from having the baby, I know everything will be ok. Alright, I realized this a long time ago actually. Just as this pregnancy has been different, so will the experience of raising a 2nd child. We entered parenthood with Lilly without any trepidation. We just went with the flow and everything went swimmingly! So this time around i'm trying not to be overanalytical, though I'll sporadically get a thought of "how am I ever going to sleep" or "what kind of shenanigans will Lilly get into while i'm stuck in 1 spot nursing the baby" or "how in the hell am I going to get them on the same schedule to take naps?!".

Then I tell myself to shut up! Lilly is such a sweetheart &I know she's going to be a wonderful big sister & helper. I can't wait until she tries to read to the baby or make the baby laugh. Everything is going to be fine. And just like I tend to do with life in general, I need to just roll with the punches. Go with the flow. Enjoy the ride.

Nov 29, 2012

Don't Get Snippy With Me!

We are well into our second pregnancy. 33 weeks tomorrow, to be exact. Since day one that we found out, Jeff has adamantly stated that he is going to get fixed. Vasectomy. The ol' snipperoo. Made unable to reproduce again. Which is fine by me because I know I'M not having any invasive surgery! I've got enough going on in my yonder regions!  I should say I WAS fine with the idea. But the more and more I've thought about it, the more it bothers me. We were fine not getting pregnant, until we wanted to and tried, so why can't we just go back to our old methods? It's not that I'm trying to have a brood of children--2 is a great number.  I should be rejoicing in the fact that we won't have to worry about being safe and there won't be any unexpected surprises. But I feel as though something is being taken away. Perhaps because it's not my decision? It's his body and I ultimately have no control over it. Damn! I just can't shake the bothersome feeling. I know that it can be reversed, but let's be honest--we aren't paying for that! Once it's done, it's done! Though, I probably shouldn't be fretting too much. He's yet to even look into it, let alone make an appointment.

Mar 27, 2012

In the Blink of an Eye

Sweet Little Lilly,
One short year ago our lives were forever changed.  It seems as though I just blinked and here we are, a year later. Where did all the time go?! Everyone always said "it's going to fly by and then she'll be 18" and I thought "Pfft yeah ok".  But It's True! I try to battle this by enjoying each day as it comes and goes and relishing in the moment. And by having a camera CONSTANTLY in your face, so nothing's forgotten;)

 I look forward to every day, seeing you grow and learn and I love watching the excitement on your face. The fascinated sparkle in your eyes makes me want to look at the world around me in a whole other light. I want to see it the way you do. This year has been one filled with wonderment, laughter, yawns, learning, stumbles, snuggles, love, hugs, kisses, diapers and did I mention yawns? You have brought me so much joy.  I can't imagine my life without you. I never knew that I had the maternal instinct; that I was meant to be a Momma. But this feels like the most natural thing in the world. Meant to be. You & me.

You amaze me every day and always will.

I love you so, so much.  More than words could ever describe. Happy 1st birthday baby girl.

Love, Mommy

Mar 22, 2012

Who Knew

Things I never knew until I had a baby:

--I CAN be unselfish. My needs and wants will never again be the first to come to mind and I wouldn't have it any other way.

--I no longer loathe mornings. I use to moan and groan at the sound of an alarm; ready to dredge away at a boring job.  Now I wake to the sound (usually) of a cheery baby cooing, screeching and laughing. Seeing her smile from ear to ear at the sight of my face omits any drowsiness and grump.

--I can use the bathroom using only 1 arm, while holding a child in the other.  Getting the pants pulled back up and buttoned/zipped is tricky.  But I'm a pro now!
--I can maneuver a shopping cart around the store using only 1 hand, while holding a napping child. NOT an easy task.
--One little giggle dissipates crummy attitudes.

--I would become "one of those" that share stories and pics of my baby with anyone willing to look and/or listen.

--I can cook--chop, stir, open cans, etc. with 1 hand while holding another curious person, hiked up on my hip, watching in awe.
--I have become an ambidextrious eater; simultaneously feeding her with 1 hand and myself with another.
--I would be content spending endless hours on the ground playing, crawling, singing, and laughing and never want to do anything else but this.
--I could be patient.