I had an appointment to get waxed today. Hallelujah! It's been waaaay too long. I usually do it myself but have been seriously lacking in that department because it's very time consuming and I've just been a bit of a procrastinator. Plus it costs money to go get it done and we've had other important things to spend the dough on. However, I have been keeping everything trimmed, so there's no 70s bush to write about. Though not the ideal plan, it was working out for me for a while. Until now. I have lost sight of my vagina. That's right! The baby belly has now obstructed my view and I don't plan on blindly wielding scissors around my hooha. So I have two choices: 1--let it grow au natural (um...no thanks, it's already driving me insane!) or 2--pay someone to torture me & rip out my hair at the roots. As unpleasant as this sounds to those who've never experienced a good ol' depilation, I'd take waxing over shaving anyday. Shaving is utterly painful to me.
So, what's the dilemma you ask? I came home to take a shower so I could be so fresh and so clean for my appointment and as I lathered my crack with soap I felt something odd. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! Waaaaaaaait a minute! No Effin Way! A hemmorhoid! Not anything big and serious that I even noticed earlier in the day, but one none the less. Thanks to my ever growing body, pressure on my pelvis, a bit of an intense B.M. today & sluggish circulation in the lower half of body, I now have a protrusion. It's not anything to scream about but I definitely didn't want some strange woman to freak out. And then there is the problem of me needing my actual crack waxed too--that's right, the perineum and all. I can't really have that done with things poking where they shouldn't be. Hmmphf! Here's to hoping it goes away sooner than later because my appointment is rescheduled for next week. Thanks mother nature! You are one hilarious bitch!