Jan 7, 2011

Pain in the Ass!

If you're afraid of TMI, stop reading NOW.


Sadly, this is not my ass.  But a girl can dream;)
I had an appointment to get waxed today.  Hallelujah!  It's been waaaay too long.  I usually do it myself but have been seriously lacking in that department because it's very time consuming and I've just been a bit of a procrastinator.  Plus it costs money to go get it done and we've had other important things to spend the dough on. However, I have been keeping everything trimmed, so there's no 70s bush to write about.  Though not the ideal plan, it was working out for me for a while.  Until now.  I have lost sight of my vagina.  That's right!  The baby belly has now obstructed my view and I don't plan on blindly wielding scissors around my hooha.  So I have two choices: 1--let it grow au natural (um...no thanks, it's already driving me insane!) or 2--pay someone to torture me & rip out my hair at the roots.  As unpleasant as this sounds to those who've never experienced a good ol' depilation, I'd take waxing over shaving anyday.  Shaving is utterly painful to me.  

So, what's the dilemma you ask?  I came home to take a shower so I could be so fresh and so clean for my appointment and as I lathered my crack with soap I felt something odd.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!  Waaaaaaaait a minute!  No Effin Way!  A hemmorhoid! Not anything big and serious that I even noticed earlier in the day, but one none the less.  Thanks to my ever growing body, pressure on my pelvis, a bit of an intense B.M. today & sluggish circulation in the lower half of body, I now have a protrusion.  It's not anything to scream about but I definitely didn't want some strange woman to freak out.  And then there is the problem of me needing my actual crack waxed too--that's right, the perineum and all.  I can't really have that done with things poking where they shouldn't be.  Hmmphf!  Here's to hoping it goes away sooner than later because my appointment is rescheduled for next week.  Thanks mother nature!  You are one hilarious bitch!

Jan 3, 2011

Dear baby,

Jeff got me a journal to write thoughts, etc for and about the baby.  Reading this makes me realize how fast time is flying by!  I wrote this almost a month ago already, yet it feels like it was yesterday.  I feel as though I'll blink a couple more times and the baby will be here. 

December 8, 2010
Hello baby! You have been growing for 25 weeks in my belly.  Your daddy and I have known about you since you were about 3 weeks--an embryo barely the size of a poppy seed.  And now here you are, changing the shape of my body--pushing my stomach out further & further.  Making space for your fastly growing little body.  Back in October, around the time you were 16 weeks, I started to feel the tiny movements of you.  It felt like little bubbles popping and moving.  Almost like gas, but not quite.  Then all was quiet for a while.  Then, 2 weeks ago I felt you.  And I saw you!  The biggest smile spread across my face.  I SAW YOU MOVE! When your dad came home he placed his giant hand on my stomach and as if on cue, you kicked (or perhaps headbutted) directly where his hand was.  Ever since then you've been flip-flopping around and when you do I can't take my eyes off of my stomach.  I laugh.  I smile.  I talk to you.  I love feeling you moving; alive and growing.  We joke that you're swimming laps.  It's just in a very small pool:)  This all seems so surreal at times.  Almost like magic.  I can't believe that I'm growing a human from scratch.  A little bit of me, a little bit of your dad and POOF!--like magic, we have you!  I can not wait to see your twinkling eyes, to hold you in my arms, to talk to you, to sing to you, to see you grow & learn & love.  But for now, I will relish in this magical time when you are closer to me than you will ever be.  Thank you for making me smile every day.  I can't wait to watch you move around some more:)
<3, Mommy